Why Bad Dates Can Be So Good For Your Soul

Are you always looking for signs from the Universe as to what to do next? Where should you be going? What does this all mean? Why am I feeling this way????????

I’m sure that your all expecting and wanting a date update – and I promise that will come this weekend but more importantly I wanted to share some insight into what this major jump into the world of serial dating has given me and let me tell you its a pretty big one for me.

Several weeks ago I decided that I wanted to start a little creative project this year. I realised that I really missed running events, creating the space for magic to happen and I wanted to get some of that back. So it wasn’t long before I thought I could combine some of my loves. Events, happily ever after moments and stories that make your heart melt.
I came up with the concept of The Proposal Girl – yep that right – I want to help Melbourne men plan their perfect proposal for their gals. Whether its an idea they have they need help bringing into life or maybe its some romantic inspiration to start the next amazing chapter of their life.

I shared this idea with a few trusted people but not many, gave myself a lengthy start date- August 2012 and then put that idea on the shelf.

I’m still working through the internal things that are holding me back from launching this idea. The fear of failure, the lack of self esteem that I can do this and I guess trying to change those little words my ego keeps whispering to me about not being good enough, worthy enough or that its not in my flow to do this. Never fear though – these are only thoughts and as we know we thought can change in an instant.

So last week the universe delivered a little gift in the form of the ANZ restructure and within a moment my position as I know it was gone. I of course being a gal who likes all her ducks in a row quickly set about working out what this would mean and decided that I simply needed to find another job. Security was essential- after all I had rent to pay and all sorts of things. Its felt like a struggle. I’ve played the surrender and fight game several times over the last week but essentially it wasn’t until I committed to making the proposal girl a reality and really having the courage to commit did I feel peace.

The reality is that I’ll still need a job that brings in a stable pay check but now I can leave that little detail up to the universe and set about focusing on getting The Proposal Girl a proper first date.

So what does this have to do with dating and insight – well here we go.

I can’t say that I’ve really enjoyed the whole finding dates and going on dates process. It isn’t because I’m scared of dating, or striking up random conversation with people or even the fear of rejection. it’s for the same reason that I don’t like the concept of internet dating. It seems forced and the every around it just isn’t fun. My dates have been with people that I really have no romantic interest, interesting people and they haven’t been running away or anything quite as drastic as that. In fact they have been ok dates with nothing too exciting to report but rather than making me feel good about dating – its made me seriously wonder what is happening to our world when if your single you pretty much should be on RSVP or being set up with friends. After all I’m apparently not getting biologically younger and we all know what that means for a woman.

I’m happy being me right now- in fact I think I am finally getting to understand what older women mean when they say that as you get older you get more comfortable with yourself. I know myself better now. I know when my little ego is getting a little too much air time and I’m happy just being me right now. I’ve got great friends, I’ve got time to do what is important to me and I long more for a french bulldog puppy then I do a boyfriend.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m really open to meeting someone amazing who is passionate about life, all it has to offer and what service they provide to the world. I already know that someone who will be loyal, honest, a great communicator, spontaneous, caring, loving and a little bit cheeky will find a place in my heart but It feels like too much hard work and just wrong to go hunting for it.

So this morning I had 2 must do things on my agenda. Barre Moves class at Barre Body and speak to designers about what image, feel and look I want for The Proposal Girl.

I wanted a look that would attract males so nothing too flowery and floral. Something that showed that I was a creative, that I was a professional who knew her stuff but something that showed my playful and girly nature.

I wasn’t aware at the time – But I was looking to balance our my masculine energy qualities of being able to take control and deliver with my feminine energy. In order for me to embrace and really make The Proposal Girl a success I had to not push away or subdue my feminine energy. I would attract the right male clients because they don’t need a guy to make this happen. They need a woman who gets and is balanced in both energies. The masculine to get it done and to know exactly what they need and the feminine to nurture and give life to the proposal.

And then as the universe always done – it gave me another sign post, another insight so that i really got the message.

This time in the form of an email. I get The Daily Love emails delivered to my work email each day. Some days I read it and go yep great stuff but forget what I read straight away.

Today was different because today was all about how we can’t “produce” our love life. That chasing something from a place of fear and lack won’t get you closer to it and that no matter how awesome a gal you are, its not really in our nature to pursue but instead to be pursued.

AMEN TO THAT!! Finally something that I had always thought to be true and that felt energetically right. I’m all good with going out and getting that job I want, working out to get the body I want, doing what ever it takes to make things happen, but not dating. I’m pretty awesome and a rare find and so are most gals I know. Our gift- what comes easily and naturally to us is that we know that you don’t need to go out and fix it,, get it, sometimes you just need to be. Its what makes us such great listeners. You know that adage – tell a man your problem if you want a solution, tell a woman your problem if you just want to be heard.

He also quoted Tony Robbins “A lot of women are too busy being a good man to attract one”. Now how true is that!

I’m not incomplete being single. I’m not broken. I just don’t want to feel like there is something wrong with me because I’m not actively looking for “the one” or for anyone! Today single females are put under so much pressure, with comments about man droughts, why we should be looking to freeze our eggs and we start to believe the concept that if your in your 30’s, single and a female there must be something wrong with you.

Dating should be fun and like in the US – going on 2 or 3 different dates a weekend should be normal and easy. Going out with someone doesn’t mean your going to move your toothbrush in straight away- hell it shouldn’t be about anything other than having a little fun, good conversation and in that sense the Five in Five has got that right. Go out – have fun and by doing it for charity you remove crap surrounding dating. Its not about you, or him, or her its about something bigger.

I feel so much more alive, calmer and well me when I let myself be a girl. When I expect men to wait for me to enter and exist the lift and when I wear pretty dresses and put on mascara. Yes its old school but its there a reason why certain things just feel right?

So what did this leave me with or more so to the point what was I able to let go of?

I don’t need to chase love, romance or a partner. I don’t need to because as Mastin from TDL wrote today about his friend can be equally applied to me right now or for any single girl or guy out there.

“She was in touch with that place inside her that knew that her soulmate wasn’t just going to come along, but her soulmate is going to BE where she is going and that she doesn’t have to DO anything to find him except be her beautiful, amazing, awesome radiant self.”

So I’m going to ditch the online dating profile once and for all and all those thoughts of fear that go with it. I’m going to focus on connecting with my feminine power, I’m going to give nurture and give birth to The Proposal Girl and I’m going to let the universe do the work on that whole soulmate thing, after all if the love I’m looking for  isn’t prepared to put in the work then he doesn’t deserve me in any form…. and I’m going to just focus on being my amazing awesome self.

J xx

Image Credits
image 1 = http://blog.workisnotajob.com/
image 2 = http://www.flickr.com/photos/renata_motta/2845282904/in/faves-40554230@N04/
image 3 = http://sallyanneearp.wordpress.com/2011/06/07/135/

The Universe ALWAYS works in mysterious ways

Ok friends- its true to say that I have been a bit quiet on the blog since I posted that very first post.

I’m not going to offer any reasons other than to say that I guess I was a little bit fearful of putting my thoughts onto screen and having the world see it – however  after following the amazing and inspiring Rachel from In Spaces Between I did some work on finding my  3 words for 2012 and here an interesting story begins…

(from my pinterest board)

Expand

I feel that 2012 has an expansive feel to it – and so for me this was an easy word.  Expand for me is also about growth, learning more, loving more and giving more.

Surrender 

This year its about surrendering the how to the universe. To letting go of thinking things through a little too much and repeating the mantra my somatic healer from bali taught me “ don’t think just do”. I know that by surrendering AMAZING moments & memories will be part of my every day life in 2012.

Courage

You know the saying “feel the fear and do it anyway”? Well in the past I’ve been very good at feel the fear and have left it at that. The fear has stopped me from going back to a personal trainer because I didn’t want to look like a failure – a failure of not being able to work out, a fear of having let my body go and not being able to change it. Fear that has stopped me from going to dance classes because I don’t feel good enough.

Fear to put myself out there and date again because I’m scared of being rejected- because I was feeling old and over it and ultimately the fear of going after what I want in life professionally, physically and spiritually because I might just get it and then what?

Already courage has gotten me to start a blog- writing from my heart no matter what people might think. Its got me back to 2 personal training sessions which I am now loving – even if I can’t walk for days afterwards and its got me thinking about what I would really love to do – but thats for a new post .

Fast forward to mid January when I was chatting to my friend via email at work and I can’t remember how but I came across this http://www.fiveinfive.org.au/. I thought that this would be an amazing thing for her to do – after all she had just ended an not so great relationship and she is so amazing and I know I could so set her up with a couple of awesome dates and the charities they were supporting really inspired me- especially LiveWires …. somehow in all of this emailing I found myself registering and then there it was… my challenge from the Universe- 5 dates in 5 weeks.

There were definitely a couple of times when I thought about pulling out- I mean after all I didn’t seek this out for me , did I? This was crazy I haven’t had 5 dates in 5 quarters let alone 5 weeks and would anyone support me or just think this was another one of my rather crazy ideas.

But then slowly I could see my 3 words for 2012 – in this one challenge and I started to see that just possibly the discomfort that I would feel putting myself out there was really nothing compared to what our urban poor go through every day. I mean here I was a healthy, happy single female who could afford to eat organic food, go out with friends and book 3 week holidays to Europe .

Maybe just maybe this challenge was a gift from the universe – a chance to see would I really do something uncomfortable and challenging to support those people who only a few streets away from me were putting their bodies and their spirits on the line while I slept warmly and safely in my bed at night?

So I kick off my 5 dates in 5 weeks this Saturday night – with a blind date – at a Kiritan Chant night. I figured that this kind of challenge should lead to interesting dates- where my dates can have a Melbourne experience that maybe challenges them a little too

I’ll let you all know how it went next Monday

J x

p.s If you would like to support me with a much appreciated donation – you can donate here!!

Getting back on the horse or in other words .. return of the green smoothies

Ok so confession time…

I’ve the heaviest weight I have ever been, I’ve eaten sugar, wheat and yes even red meat and drunk a whole lot more alcohol than ever before -oh and don’t forget the coffee.

Yet ironically I’ve also escaped getting sick this year and have generally been a little calmer and bit more go with the flow.

I think that part of the process in letting go and being more at peace has been a lesson in learning to love myself no matter what.

I’m still working on that lesson but I’ve also come to the conclusion that I need to go back to green. Right now its just feels like to right thing to do and if 2011 has taught me anything its that following your gut, your intuition

Cutting the refined sugar, the coffee, the dead animals and the wheat.

The easiest way I know how is to get back on the green smoothie bandwagon.

Green Smoothies are the simplest way to get your body craving wholefoods, only take about 1 min to make and taste delicious- a perfect way to start the day and if your a newbie then just use 60% fruit and 40% greens and slowly increase your green content. Trust me – you’ll start to want them more green and less fruity .

So here is my

back on the bandwagon greenie

1-2 banannas

2 peaches

handful or 2 of spinach

water (1 glass will do)

put it all together in a blender and volia! 

 

Breakfast, lunch or dinner is served

 

J x

 

 

 

I’ve just spent the last 2 hours sitting on my couch – watching the Wizard of Oz & drinking green tea.

The Wizard of Oz would have to be one of my favourite movies – I remember always being excited when it was on Saturday night at the movies and just being in awe of Dorothy.

I even have 2 copies of the movie on DVD and for some strange reason – I hadn’t thought of watching it until I saw an ad on TV this week. That got me to thinking – why so often do we wait to “find time” to do something for ourselves. I caught myself saying the other day – when I get time I’ll do X, Y, Z and then luckily reframed that to I’ll make time this week.

So I’m going to head back to the art of making time to do the little things that makes my spirit happy- I think some more green tea and another viewing of The Wedding Date is in order for the rest of the afternoon.

The putting away the washing and homing the christmas presents can wait a few more hours….

luck & light

J x